We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
