She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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