Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
