On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This house was built for laser tag.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
