Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
