Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
