So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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