I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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