Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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