yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
