So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
