The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
