He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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