Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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