Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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