if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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