There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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