dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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