Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
