It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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