If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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