The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
