people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
