You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
