you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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