living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
