I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Betty ford says i'm here all night
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
