Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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