if i can run in heels then i can drive
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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