Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
