Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
