My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
