in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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