tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
