I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
