im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
