Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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