Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
