you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
