new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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