So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
