well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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