okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
