I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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