Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
