Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
