Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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