How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
