I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
