RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
