I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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