Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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