omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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