Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
