Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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